楔子

    我觉得，在说我的故事之前，一定要先说一下我爸妈的故事。                                                                                                             我老妈，据说当年十里八乡一朵花，等到花朵含ba0待放的时候，那上门的人只差没有踏断外公家的门槛。                                                                                                             这一点因为多少带了点历史遗留x问题存在，再加上看了母上那么多年闪耀在yan光下的三层肚的光辉形象，我觉得，有待考证。                                                                                                             我老爸是一个特别老实巴交的人，这一点在老妈偶尔提起当年的时候，就能够得出结论。                                                                                                             老爸是晚婚晚育的一族，娶我家老娘的时候已经临近三十，在那个早婚的年代，大概是属于异类，而原因无他，家徒四壁。                                                                                                             所以当老爸向外公提亲的时候，我那参过军在部队学了一身好医术，退伍之后又光荣地参与了服务社会这项重任一向作风严谨的外公问老爸，为什么想要娶他的nv儿的时候，老爸很白目但是又很诚实地回答了。                                                                                                             “因为家里穷。”                                                                                                             =0=                                                                                                             我想，当时我外公还有老妈一定是满头黑线加一个囧脸状的，甚至我都能够想象外公的心理一定很抓狂。                                                                                                             什么叫做因为家里穷，难道就是因为家里穷才想到要娶我家的nv儿吗？                                                                                                             我很肯定，听到老爸这个回答的外公一定这样想过。                                                                                                             虽然老爸的回答实在是有点缺心眼，但是并不妨碍老妈对老爸一见钟情，再见j*情，三见私奔的命运。                                                                                                             我也曾问过老妈，当年为什么就会挑中老爸这一g木头时，老娘无限感慨。                                                                                                             “我当时就想，要是我不嫁给你爸，那么缺心眼又笨的人一定要打一辈子光棍！”                                                                                                             嘿，我那个时候特别诧异，我老娘居然还是一个圣母级别的人物，难怪当年肯嫁给一个b自己大了八岁家里只有遮头瓦的老爸，要知道现在的漂亮nv人只想要鱼跃豪门。                                                                                                             因为这一句话，老妈的形象在我的心目中已经从河东狮上升了好几个段位。                                                                                                             但是下一秒的，她又成功地摧毁了我的崇拜。                                                                                                             “还有，你爸长的挺好看的！”                                                                                                             肤浅！                                                                                                             我满心满眼的崇拜，一下子成了鄙夷，我老娘居然是那么肤浅的生物，实在太让人难以置信了。                                                                                                             但是我直到后来情窦初开，喜欢上了那号称是校草的同桌伊杰的时候，恍然顿悟了——在身上留了一半老妈血y的我，骨子里面其实也挺肤浅的。                                                                                                             好吧，虽然说我老妈b较肤浅，但是如果不是她跟着我爸，也不会有了现在的我。                                                                                                             我表示能理解她的肤浅。                                                                                                             老爸g过很多份工作，从小贩到包工头，从工厂工人到最后尘埃落地在一家自营业的小饭馆，经历了很多的老爸确定自己因为不够心黑，成不了j商一流，所以直到现在他觉得这一生最大的成就是娶了当年貌美如花的老娘还有生了一个我，守着一家小饭馆一路供着我上了大学。                                                                                                             后来听老妈说，当年老爸在当包工头的时候，有过一个开服装店的有钱nv老板看上了他，那种痴心真真叫人嘘吁，而那个时候的老爸已经临近四十不惑的年龄，而那个nv老板b我妈还小了三岁。                                                                                                             面对这样的美se*诱惑，我老爸不为所动，很专注地对着我妈一个，哪怕我妈从一朵娇yan的鲜花转变成了现在的霸王花，他都没有表现出一丝厌烦。                                                                                                             少年夫妻老来伴，我爸的骨子里面流淌着名叫长情的物质。                                                                                                             所以当三年的暗恋不但不敢开口还痴心不移，到毕业的那一天好不容易萌生了把他堵在暗巷里面然后进行告白这个念头的时候，却眼看着伊杰和校花从我身边而过，我还傻b一样地说“挺好的，很般配”这样的台词的时候，我觉得遗传到了我爸的基因也是一种可悲的事情。                                                                                                             所以综合了我爸妈的优缺点，我凌墨注定是一个肤浅却又长情的家伙。                                                                                                             而我的故事开端，大概是从……                                                                                                             “用你那一手无法掌握的三十三f，夹si他！”                                                                                                             这一句话开始的……o(╯□╰)o